Today is my birthday. Unlike every other birthday I have ever had, I will experience this day without my mom.
She has been gone six months now, but it hurts as much as the day it happened. Every day I think about it. It haunts my existence. It makes me sad and makes me cry like I’ve never cried before.
Still, I am lucky.
My mom gave me the greatest gift someone can give to another: life. Unlike any other human being on this planet, she held me inside her. For nine months I was closer to her than I ever could be to anybody else on earth.
But she didn’t let it end there. For the next 23 years she was my champion, my protector, my cheerleader, my spiritual guide, my hero and my mommy.
I’ve learned by speaking to friends, family, and complete strangers just how lucky a girl I am. Not everyone has the relationship with their mom that I had. What was just every other day for me and her was an unattainable ideal for so many other people out there. I’ve had people tell me, after reading my post, that they wish they could have the relationship with their mom that I had with mine.
I knew she and I were close. She took care of me for the bulk of my life physically, emotionally, and spiritually .
It may sound silly to others, but that was just Mom, with the help of God, to do something she knew would bring a wide grin to my face on my special day.
She always put a spotlight on for my birthday throughout her life, whether it was a house full of kids or just she and I going out for a prayer. I as usual would take it too far. I would count down to my birthday, knowing that Mom would reliably make a big deal out of it. When she would joke and say as an adult I would have to stop making such noise about this day, that September 19 is not about me going on and on about MY BIRTHDAY, I would laugh her off and tell her it was all her fault. She made a big deal out of it, so I took that as a cue to always make a big deal out it.
Today is my first birthday of many to come (I hope) where my Mom isn’t physically here on earth with me. But today is also the greatest present I could ever receive–two souls baptised for Christ. . . And that is a gift she gave to me, and I carry her in my heart every day in thanks. She taught me how to love, and everything good I ever have and will do is, thanks to God, because of her.
Happy birthday to me is not about me but about God who is good to me. He created me and put me in a special woman that I call Mom. I really miss her.
~ Claudia Togas, from our church in Indonesia.
